on paint and decisions...

So I've been thinking a lot recently... about my life, about what I'm going to do.

April wasn't the best month for me. My opportunity to go back to Denver came and went, and the stubborn little girl in me stomped her foot and folded her arms with a bit of a sulky face. I had my room to re-do, which took longer than expected, but is finally done, and looks rather wonderful I must say.

I really struggled to decide what colour/s to paint it. Someone recommended mushroom to me, and I thought 'what the heck, it's safe, neutral, expected, and comes recommended'. Whilst out looking for paint, I couldn't find the 'mushroom' I was looking for, so decided to try different random paint combinations. Ended up with a chocolate brown, dark teal and bright red as well as various shades of beige/mushroom ish colours. I put a little swab of each up on a section of the wall. Honestly, any of them  would have been fine... I just needed to decide which one and get on with it. I couldn't do anything else or make any other decisions (about bedding, curtains etc) until I had decided on paint.

Funnily enough, this felt like a metaphor for the rest of my life too. University was the safe, neural, well approved and recommended option. It was the plan, until I decided to go out and try something new, because I couldn't find the right course. Then I discovered YWAM, and it felt right, but was also rather bold and a little scary, and not quite so well thought of or understood by everyone I knew. Now I was facing that decision again: go back to YWAM and have a lot of people think I'm a little crazy, or go the safe route and go to university...

With the paint, I kinda liked the dark brown and a lighter teal more than the mushroom, but was scared, cause it was kinda bold, and a lot of people who I asked said it might be a bit much. But I liked it. It was different, and felt more like me. More adventurous, unique. I realised this one night: that I knew I had to make a decision in both areas of my life, and couldn't really do much else until that decision was made.

I ended up going for the dark brown and lighter teal. One wall chocolate, the other two a calming sea green/blue. Turned out really nicely. Oddly enough, I also decided that I'm going to go back to Denver for the School of Ministry Development (SOMD/Phase 2) in September. Tickets booked, decided.

It's actually amazing how great it feels to have finally made a decision. I guess part of me always hoped/knew that that was what I was going to decide, but the rest of me was freaked out because of what that actually entails and what will possibly result from this decision. It's super exciting and a little scary as well. As with all things God-related, faith is very much needed. I need to trust Him with this all, and not to worry about what will happen after this all.

I think it was really important for me to have been home for a while, to really weigh my options and reason for wanting to go back to Denver again. Yes, it will be wonderful to be back there with my other family, but it is so much more than that. I am more convinced than ever that this is going to be the stepping stone into the inheritance God has for me on this earth. Which is why I need this time at home too, to really get set deep and strong in Him before heading back out. I grew SO much last year, in many big ways. But honestly, this time at home so far has probably been some of the more trying months I've been through, and I've also noticed so much growth already. Not noticeable, but definitely a deepening, strengthening, assuring growth. It's really hard to describe, but it's so good.

There is so much more to write about this, but that can wait for another post... So may God bless you in amazing ways today, and make you aware of His presence. Open up your heart and mind to noticing where He is at work around you and join in!