every day victories...

Gah, so I'm finally getting around to writing again... Honestly, these last couple of weeks have been annoyingly hard. I've been fighting back depression a lot of the time, and really struggling with the fact that I am here. A friend of mine wisely said to 'keep your heart where your feet are'. This is probably the majority of my struggle, because I really do have friends and family all over the world who I would love to be with. My life back in Denver or Brazil or Thailand seems so much better and appealing than my life right now, yet I am here, so I need to make the best of it etc. 'Intentional' is the world that keeps coming up for me... I really do need to choose it and make it count. Every day. It's really hard! I didn't think that adjusting back to life here would be this hard...

I guess it's a good thing it is hard, cause that means that I'm growing. Often when stuff starts going all peachy and I'm thinking there's nothing wrong etc, I usually get worried, cause I know that I am definitely not perfect, and so there should be something God is working on in me. In those times when it's daisies and rainbows, I think that God's giving me a break, only to get whacked in the face by my own pride. Oh pride, you always come before a fall... Clichéd maybe, but still true. Pride is one of our biggest downfalls, cause it leads us to depend on ourselves, not God... and that just opens up a whole huge big can of worms.

Yes, there's the whole deal of inferior pride/false humility, but we really aren't all that amazing. Thank God that we are being redeemed and restored, but we are very much works in progress! Another friend of mine told me this:

I had a nightmare where everyone accepted me just as I am, and I missed the chance at being a better man

So that whacked me in the face a little bit... How profound?! So often we want people to accept us and just love us how we are, but we aren't perfect, and yes that is something we do need to accept. But I don't think that means settling. We should always be striving to be better, to be more like Jesus, and encouraging each other to do the same. God is always in the process of transforming us into His likeness, getting rid of the bad and bringing out the good.

But then comes the whole striving to please, and how we can't earn God's love or grace or forgiveness, and how a focus on self-performance is really damaging and potentially dangerous. Sometimes it frustrates me what a fine line there is to walk between everything... but I know the freedom that comes from loving God and being loved by Him is so much greater!

Yes, everyday is a struggle, but that also means that every day is a victory. Each time I choose life over death, truth over lies, joy over depression... every time I choose Him, I win. The way you fight the battle, is the battle. Instead of telling God how big my problems are, I tell my problems how big my God is. By doing so, it becomes ridiculously obvious that those 'problems' are mere cobwebs to be brushed aside. It really is all about our perspective...

So that's a couple of thoughts that just spewed out... May God bless you as you seek His face, and help you to realise that He can move the mountains in your life, for He is greater and stronger - He defeated death and sin, so He can any and everything else too. He is awesome and powerful, and He is love