revelation at 12.30am...

So last night/this morning, at 12.30am ish, this is what happened...

I was reading my devotional note things, and the question was asked: "Did God create us that we might love Him or that He might love us?" Seemed profound, so I posted it as my Facebook status, and as I did, it mulled around in my mind a bit. I thought maybe it was just one of those rhetorical questions to make you think, but then 1 John 4:19 came to mind: "We love because He first loved us". This made me stop and think...

So if we love, because He loves us, then we can't have been created to love Him, because our love is as a result of His love. Our purpose is to be loved by God. We love not out of duty, but in response to His love. This is probably why performance doesn't work. We can't earn God's love or approval or the joy that comes from being loved by Him. If our purpose was simply to love God and He'd love us in return if we got it right, then we'd get nowhere and have little joy or freedom or motivation, which is honestly the place that many people have ended up in as a result of this mindset that our purpose in life is to love God.

It's is such a subtle difference, but what if our purpose is simply to be loved by God and to let Him love us, and out of that flows the fulfillment, joy and freedom long for... It's something we cannot earn, rather need to learn to receive, and freely receiving, we freely give. Being loved so completely leaves little room or even thought of doing anything other than loving others as fully, that they too may experience His great love and the fulfillment and pure joy that comes.

This absolutely blows my mind! We were made to receive love, which is why we so often go looking for it in all the wrong places and aren't satisfied. Only His love will satisfy, because it is His love that we were made to receive and live in and live off of. His love is complete and perfect. He is love. His very nature, His character, His being... love personified, exemplified and crucified. It makes so much sense when you look at how screwed up the world is, and that the root of all of it is this very issue: we need God's love.

We were made to be loved by Him, and the only response possible when faced with such love is to respond in kind. I don't know if you've ever had a revelation or life-changing encounter with God's love, but if you had, you wouldn't be the same. You'd know what it's like to have to tell others, to share it, because it is just too wonderful to keep all to yourself. It's the kind of love that wants to be passed on and shared, because then it grows and flourishes and so many more people get blessed. It's one of those weird things about the Kingdom:  you only really get to keep what you give away. Part of the blessing of giving is seeing someone else experience what you got to experience, and encouraging them to share it too. It's contagious :)

I pray that God will completely blow your mind with a new and greater revelation of His love... that His love would become so real and overwhelming and huge that you can't help up have to want to share it, because you wan't contain it. Loving God who is Love, let Your love rain down on us, and help us to accept and receive Your love which You long so much to express. Thank You for Your love, and that we cannot earn it, only receive it and share it and love You back by doing so. Amen!

every day victories...

Gah, so I'm finally getting around to writing again... Honestly, these last couple of weeks have been annoyingly hard. I've been fighting back depression a lot of the time, and really struggling with the fact that I am here. A friend of mine wisely said to 'keep your heart where your feet are'. This is probably the majority of my struggle, because I really do have friends and family all over the world who I would love to be with. My life back in Denver or Brazil or Thailand seems so much better and appealing than my life right now, yet I am here, so I need to make the best of it etc. 'Intentional' is the world that keeps coming up for me... I really do need to choose it and make it count. Every day. It's really hard! I didn't think that adjusting back to life here would be this hard...

I guess it's a good thing it is hard, cause that means that I'm growing. Often when stuff starts going all peachy and I'm thinking there's nothing wrong etc, I usually get worried, cause I know that I am definitely not perfect, and so there should be something God is working on in me. In those times when it's daisies and rainbows, I think that God's giving me a break, only to get whacked in the face by my own pride. Oh pride, you always come before a fall... Clichéd maybe, but still true. Pride is one of our biggest downfalls, cause it leads us to depend on ourselves, not God... and that just opens up a whole huge big can of worms.

Yes, there's the whole deal of inferior pride/false humility, but we really aren't all that amazing. Thank God that we are being redeemed and restored, but we are very much works in progress! Another friend of mine told me this:

I had a nightmare where everyone accepted me just as I am, and I missed the chance at being a better man

So that whacked me in the face a little bit... How profound?! So often we want people to accept us and just love us how we are, but we aren't perfect, and yes that is something we do need to accept. But I don't think that means settling. We should always be striving to be better, to be more like Jesus, and encouraging each other to do the same. God is always in the process of transforming us into His likeness, getting rid of the bad and bringing out the good.

But then comes the whole striving to please, and how we can't earn God's love or grace or forgiveness, and how a focus on self-performance is really damaging and potentially dangerous. Sometimes it frustrates me what a fine line there is to walk between everything... but I know the freedom that comes from loving God and being loved by Him is so much greater!

Yes, everyday is a struggle, but that also means that every day is a victory. Each time I choose life over death, truth over lies, joy over depression... every time I choose Him, I win. The way you fight the battle, is the battle. Instead of telling God how big my problems are, I tell my problems how big my God is. By doing so, it becomes ridiculously obvious that those 'problems' are mere cobwebs to be brushed aside. It really is all about our perspective...

So that's a couple of thoughts that just spewed out... May God bless you as you seek His face, and help you to realise that He can move the mountains in your life, for He is greater and stronger - He defeated death and sin, so He can any and everything else too. He is awesome and powerful, and He is love

thoughts on 'vasbyt'ing...

so these last couple of days have been really hard, partly because I'm missing America a lot - not so much the place (as beautiful and wonderful as it is), but all the amazing people that I met during my time there, who became like family to me.

I know that I need to be here for now, but it's just so hard when half my heart is on another continent, and when I know that I'm most likely going back again...

So what do I do? I 'vasbyt' (meaning, literally, to 'bite hard' in Afrikaans - 'to be uncomplaining in the face of difficulty or adversity'), and trust that God knows what He's doing. I know He does - it's just hard to sit and wait, while not becoming complacent, and seeking Him, while getting involved, and trying to meet up with people again... gosh, it really bugs me how delayed South Africans are (myself included), but seriously! Guess it's the 'warm climate' culture part that comes out, especially in Cape Town, where we are particularly known for our delayed-ness.

Anyway, so I know that this time will be vital, I'm just struggling to see what it is that God is busy doing in me at the moment. Over the last couple of months, I've had the sense that He's busy working something very deep inside of me, and that it needs to be completely altered before I can head on. It really does feel like God is twisting and molding something in the root of who I am - which is not the most pleasant thing... He's going at it slowly, and with great precision. If He went too quickly, something might break or get damaged, or the angle might not be right, or the sides not smooth enough. So He needs to do it painstakingly slowly... while this is great, because it doesn't involve huge amounts of intense pain, it's annoying, 'cause instead, it's a slow, dull, constant pain. Kinda like having braces: when you first get them on, it hurts, but over time, as they straighten out, it gets easier, but there's always that pressure on your teeth as they slowly shift, millimeter by millimeter. Thankfully, God is a Master at all He does, and so I can trust Him to get everything straight and in it's right place.

While trusting Him is hard, it really isn't, because He is is unchanging and faithful, and He cannot be other than who He is. He is good, and He is love, so He will always do what is best for us, even if we don't think so at the time.

So there's a little bit of a splurge about what's going on at the moment...
I pray that God will give us patience and peace as we allow Him to work in the deep places of our hearts and lives, molding us as only He knows how, into the beautiful creation He made us to be.