thoughts on 'vasbyt'ing...

so these last couple of days have been really hard, partly because I'm missing America a lot - not so much the place (as beautiful and wonderful as it is), but all the amazing people that I met during my time there, who became like family to me.

I know that I need to be here for now, but it's just so hard when half my heart is on another continent, and when I know that I'm most likely going back again...

So what do I do? I 'vasbyt' (meaning, literally, to 'bite hard' in Afrikaans - 'to be uncomplaining in the face of difficulty or adversity'), and trust that God knows what He's doing. I know He does - it's just hard to sit and wait, while not becoming complacent, and seeking Him, while getting involved, and trying to meet up with people again... gosh, it really bugs me how delayed South Africans are (myself included), but seriously! Guess it's the 'warm climate' culture part that comes out, especially in Cape Town, where we are particularly known for our delayed-ness.

Anyway, so I know that this time will be vital, I'm just struggling to see what it is that God is busy doing in me at the moment. Over the last couple of months, I've had the sense that He's busy working something very deep inside of me, and that it needs to be completely altered before I can head on. It really does feel like God is twisting and molding something in the root of who I am - which is not the most pleasant thing... He's going at it slowly, and with great precision. If He went too quickly, something might break or get damaged, or the angle might not be right, or the sides not smooth enough. So He needs to do it painstakingly slowly... while this is great, because it doesn't involve huge amounts of intense pain, it's annoying, 'cause instead, it's a slow, dull, constant pain. Kinda like having braces: when you first get them on, it hurts, but over time, as they straighten out, it gets easier, but there's always that pressure on your teeth as they slowly shift, millimeter by millimeter. Thankfully, God is a Master at all He does, and so I can trust Him to get everything straight and in it's right place.

While trusting Him is hard, it really isn't, because He is is unchanging and faithful, and He cannot be other than who He is. He is good, and He is love, so He will always do what is best for us, even if we don't think so at the time.

So there's a little bit of a splurge about what's going on at the moment...
I pray that God will give us patience and peace as we allow Him to work in the deep places of our hearts and lives, molding us as only He knows how, into the beautiful creation He made us to be.